So I guess I should start from the beginning. And don’t worry, I will do my best to keep it short and sweet, but I believe it is important to know where you have been in order to understand where you are.
I started my relationship with Yoga about 10 years ago. I remember my first yoga class like it was yesterday – and not because it was the most incredible class in the world, but because of how I felt when I was done. Core Power Yoga was the most common and well known of studios in the Boulder/Denver area at the time and to go to a class made me feel like I had entered into some new and exciting club: the heat, the breathing, the stretching, the physical challenge were all things that I was instantly drawn to. But the thing that really hooked me was how my shoulders felt when I was done. I remember walking out of class and the feeling of openness was one I hadn’t felt, well, ever. Looking back, I do think that the other “stuff” that comes with Yoga (those that I will explore with you in this very blog) was there, but I just didn’t realize it at the time.
Fast-forward six years. This Boulder girl was heading to Wisconsin with no job and no friends… only the hope that it would be a good move. The first thing I did was to find a studio. Google is an amazing thing. “Appleton Yoga Studio” was what I put in the little box and up popped Empower Yoga. First class was free so I gave it a shot. The one thing that I have to say I really loved about Core Power was that every class, no matter who the instructor was, was exactly the same. I really felt that over the past six years I had developed a strong foundation and had my flow down pat. That was until I stepped foot in my first class at Empower.
I can’t tell you who the instructor was, but the class was very different. It still had that Vinyasa flow-like, power-like feel, but it was different – freer – and it sent my world spinning. But, over time I came to get used to the freedom that was offered by different instructors and I found myself realizing that Yoga had become more than just a physical practice. I was starting to understand (though I still think somewhat unconscious) the mental and spiritual side.
Two years after being in Wisconsin, I decided that it was time to become an “adult” and get an “adult job.” I was fortunate (and very grateful) to have landed an unbelievable sales job with a very prestigious company – one of those Fortune 500 types. If I remember correctly, something like 300(ish) applicants, 5 interviews, and 1 1/2 months later I was offered the position. I could not have been more happy and thought that this (finally) was where I was supposed to be.
It killed me.
I would like to take just a moment and mention something: the ability to fail, and be OK in spite of that failure is something I hope everyone gets to experience. You learn so much about yourself.
I failed, but not in any way an outsider would have known. On the contrary, I was doing really well. I was part of multiple committees, my sales numbers were consistently growing, and I had built a brand for myself that surely would have turned into a management position within the not too distant future. But I was dying inside. I just couldn’t hack it. Yoga had given me a metaphorical straw so that I could continue to breath while in the midst of feeling like I was drowning.
And this is where our story begins (now that wasn’t so bad was it?)!
I have two words for you: Aim True.
On a not too special day I stumbled across Kathryn Budig and her motto of #aimtrue sparked something inside of me that I couldn’t explain. Of course! How can you truly know what is going to make you happy if you have no idea where you are aiming. I have to say that these two little words may mean something different for everyone, but for me it got me thinking about who I am – truly am. I realized that I honestly had no idea. I knew what I liked and didn’t like (to a certain extent) but beyond that, I identified myself with my job. And that wasn’t who I WAS…it was what I DID! So, moving forward, I would continue to search to find out who I truly am.
In the past four months I have found myself right where I think God has intended me to be all along – completely lost and with no clue what I want to do with my life. I feel like I’m 22 again. I know, I know…cue the violin, right? I wish you could see me right now, because I have a HUGE smile on my face. Because of the circumstances that have brought me here, I have gotten the opportunity to do things I never thought possible. I enrolled in Yoga Teacher Training. I read. I write. I have a thirst for knowledge that has never been stronger in all my life.
In the past four months I have also experienced emotions that have been buried deep inside me for years – pain, fear, sadness, LOTS of insecurities. I am battling a few very strong ones that I will share with you in future posts but I have also beat some. And it is all because at the foundation of this journey I consistently remind myself to #aimtrue.
So what’s next? I want to leave you all with a little nugget, a question for you to think about (maybe even journal about) until my next post.
Are you aiming true? If not, ask yourself what it is you need to re-direct yourself toward and slowly do that. This life is too short to aim toward something that doesn’t make you happy.
My prayer for you today, and every day, is that you Be You. Fearlessly.
** I would like to send a special thanks to those who have shaped my yoga journey thus far. First, my best friend, Annabel – who took me to that first Yoga class. Suzy and Jill for an incredible studio here in Appleton, and for the guidance you and all the teachers give me on a daily basis. Kathryn Budig – you will never know the impact you have had on me. Lastly, my husband, Sean. for being my rock and my support as I take this crazy journey.
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