I woke this morning with my head spinning. I have always taken the season of Thanksgiving to be one to actually give thanks. Typically I always mention my friends, family, the overwhelming opportunities that have time, and time again presented them to me, but this year I found myself reflecting on something quite different.
Since I have started this deep journey, exploring yoga and all that comes with it, my mind and heart have been opened in ways I never expected. Things that weren’t consequential in my life suddenly had meaning. I feel with a deeper part of my heart. I remember this past summer I was sitting in the Houdini Plaza as a vendor for the Farmers Market and as I looked to the ground, I saw a bee lying on it’s back, struggling. It couldn’t fly, its legs were wiggling about, trying to flip itself back over. It looked as if it had simply just dropped from the sky, injured, as there was so apparent harm to it. As I knelt down to take a closer look, I instantly started crying. I’m certainly not a bug person and normally I would have either left it or just kicked it aside as to not look at it. But as I sat there, staring at this helpless little bee it suddenly dawned on me that it wasn’t going to make it. It was within my power to either end its life, its pain, or just ignore it all together. This life, this small life was in my hands. It was a heartbreaking and overwhelming moment for me.
This morning I realized that my reflections on what I was thankful for was just an extension of what I experienced that day. The connection I felt with that tiny bee was just the beginning and what has occurred within is a realization that my past has had more of an impact on which I am today that I think I ever really realized. I have had relationships that have ripped me apart so greatly that I am not sure I will ever truly heal and ripples of those still exist not only in my dreams, but in my waking memories, fluttering into the gaps between thoughts. I have also had those that built me up so much that they have created unwavering foundations within my soul that can never be brought down. It is upon these both that I am able to begin to understand the deepest part of myself. I am able to begin to try to love unconditionally and offer compassion to those in need. I am able to find humility and grace in a world that doesn’t offer much of either. I am able to love those closest to me.
I am incredibly grateful for those around me, but I am even more grateful for those in my past whom I cannot forget – those who will forever be a part of me; for those are the pieces of my heart, my soul, every fiber of my being who make me who I am today.
My hope for you today, and every day, is that you Be You. Fearlessly.